Commentary by Christy Solo
So. I was leaving Walmart the other week—
Okay, with the amount of bird seed I buy, I’m entering or leaving Walmart every week, but I digress.
As I was leaving, the little alarm thing in the People Cattle Shoot at the exit went off. I stopped and turned around to see if someone went through on my heels and/or to see if the employee in the black “Asset Protection” vest was there (they weren’t).
There was a woman a few feet behind me who gave me *such* a look and said – rather nastily – “It wasn’t me.”
I just turned back around. I guess we’re all so tired of being treated like criminals by Walmart, we’re crabby.
I took a beat to ponder if it could’ve been me who set off the alarm. I had purchased some Equate Severe Congestion Nasal Mist nasal spray (ah spring!), and for the first time since they locked all of us criminals out of the allergy aisle (and every other aisle) I’d actually pushed the button and waited for an employee to free my nose spray.
It was an allergy emergency, and I couldn’t wait for an online order to be shipped (so, yes. Any Walmart item which is locked up, I order online and get free shipping. Pretty much on principle).
The employee pulled a little plastic box off the top of the allergy med display case and locked my nasal mist inside before handing it to me.
No. Seriously. I had a cart full of items, but apparently I looked like I would abscond with that $4 bottle of nasal mist. (I in no way blame the employee, she 100% was just doing her job).
I had, of course, asked the employee watching self-checkout unlock my nasal mist before purchasing it. So, that couldn’t have set off the alarm. I had no other “alarm-setting-off” items in my bags, just my usual list, no electronics, DVDs and certainly nothing high priced.
I shrugged and went on my way. One weird day a few years ago I set off every alarm at every store I went to on a “Medford Run”, to this day I have no idea why. But it happens sometimes, the alarms can be wonky.
Except—
In this instance, they were not. And Nasty Woman had not been lying, it was not, in fact her.
It was me.
I realized this when I went to cut the price tag off the Reebok tee shirt I’d purchased and there was an odd “heft” to the collar. Yup. The dreaded Walmart Yellow Security Tag.
On.
A.
Tee shirt.
Granted, normally I buy the $6-$8 tees from Walmart (like the staple of my wardrobe) and normally they have Hello Kitty or “Maui 89” on them. So by comparison the $14 Reebok tee was “high end” – but a security tag? Oh, come on! Reebok isn’t even a cool brand anymore.
I’ve never purchased a single item of clothing from Walmart that had a security tag on it. Never.
So I bagged up the tee, went back downstairs to my car and dug the receipt out of my waste basket (yes, I keep a small waste basket in my car).
I wouldn’t be back to Walmart for a week, so not only could I not wear my new jewel tone tee (the only reason I spent $14 on a tee – it’s nearly impossible to find non-pastel tees this year) – but I’d have to do the whole “someone get this dang tag off, and no I did not shoplift this tee” gauntlet.
First I’d necessarily set off the security alarm again going back into the store. If I got past that without getting cuffed I’d have to stand online at the Customer Service Desk and explain why “No, I really did buy this a WEEK ago, I did not just go shoplift another Reebok tee, now take the dang tag off.” (to be fair I don’t really think any nice Walmart employee would give me any issues – but MAN the whole vibe in the stores makes you feel like a criminal these days).
As I pondered the gauntlet (and not being able to wear my tee for a week), I remembered that YouTube exists.
Folks, there truly is a YouTube video for every life circumstance, including “How to take off the yellow Walmart security tag.” Yup.
Thank goodness Bob from Oklahoma was also surprised to find a yellow tag on his new shirt when he got home from Walmart and he sorted a way to remove it. Clever Bob.
Disclaimer: Seriously, only use YouTube for good. Walmart already thinks we’re all criminals, let’s not play into their dark fantasy.
